My baby wasn’t gaining weight… but we were told to wait

(What I wish I knew earlier as a first-time mum navigating the system — and what happened when it happened again)

I remember thinking:

“This doesn’t feel right.”

But every time I asked for help, I was met with reassurance.

• “Babies cry.”

• “Keep feeding her more.”

• “She’ll wake when she’s hungry.”

This was my first baby. I didn’t know what was normal — but deep down, I knew something wasn’t.

The beginning: confusion from day one

Her birth didn’t go to plan.

It ended in a traumatic emergency C-section — and from the very beginning, feeding was a struggle.

While we were still in hospital:

• She was excessively sleepy

• She wouldn’t wake to feed

• When she did, she couldn’t sustain a feed

And yet, when I asked the most basic question:

👉 “How much should she actually be drinking in 24 hours?”

No one gave me a clear answer.

There was no:

• target intake

• structured plan

• objective guidance

Just: “Feed her more.”

The first 3 weeks: something wasn’t right

For the first 3 weeks, she would not wake for feeds at all.

We were told to try everything:

• strip her naked (in the middle of winter)

• put a wet washer on her

• turn on all the lights overnight

• talk loudly, play music

• change her nappy before a feed to help wake her up

Nothing worked.

She just… slept.

And when she did feed, it was minimal.

The weight drop no one acted on

She was born in the 85th percentile.

By 3 weeks → 5th percentile

By 4 weeks → 3rd percentile

That is a significant drop.

But still, the message stayed the same:

👉 “Just keep feeding her more.”

No escalation.

No clear plan.

No investigation.

Then everything flipped

Around 3–4 weeks, everything changed.

• Now she wouldn’t sleep at all.

• She would only settle on the breast

• Feed for a minute → fall asleep

• Wake suddenly arching her back, screaming

• Crying that felt relentless

This cycle repeated constantly.

We were told: 👉 “This is normal. Babies cry.”

The breaking point

I remember one stretch clearly.

22 hours.

No proper sleep.

Constant screaming.

I held her almost the entire time.

That was the moment I knew —

this was not normal.

The first time I pushed back

The next morning (a Monday), I went to the GP.

This time, I didn’t ask.

👉 I said: “Something is wrong. I need help.”

I stood my ground.

And I was told: 👉 “It’s separation anxiety.”

She was only a few weeks old.

She hadn’t left my arms.

She wasn’t even developmentally capable of separation anxiety.

The moment everything changed

That was when I made a decision:

👉 I needed a second opinion.

I reached out to a previous colleague —

a highly experienced GP — even though she worked on the other side of the city.

I travelled across Brisbane to see her.

Within 5 minutes, everything changed.

She said:

• This is not normal

• This sounds like cow’s milk protein intolerance (CMPI)

• And reflux

She immediately:

• started reflux medication

• recommended a dairy-free diet and referred us to a dietitian

• referred us to a paediatric gastroenterologist

👉 That one appointment changed our entire trajectory.

What we were actually dealing with

After proper investigation, she was diagnosed with:

• Gastro-oesophageal reflux disease (GORD)

• Feeding intolerance related to CMPI

It’s important to understand:

👉 Reflux vs GORD are NOT the same

Reflux → very common, usually mild, babies may spit up but still feed and grow

GORD → more severe

• pain with feeding

• poor weight gain

• feeding refusal

• significant distress

We had been told it was “just reflux” the entire time.

It wasn’t.

The investigations and plan

She went on to have further investigations under general anaesthetic to rule out:

• coeliac and other inflammatory bowel disease

• allergic conditions like eosinophilic oesophagitis

For the first time: 👉 We had a clear, structured management plan

What happened next

Within a few months:

• her weight improved to the 15th percentile

• she was feeding properly

• she was finally comfortable

And for the first time in her life:

👉 She could sleep lying down

Then it happened again… with my second baby

We were told it was unlikely to happen again.

👉 “Your next baby probably won’t have the same issues.”

So when my second baby was born, I tried to trust that.

But the very first night, something didn’t feel right.

After a feed, it took me 4 hours to settle him to sleep.

At the time, I brushed it off.

Looking back —

👉 that should have been my first clue.

The pattern started immediately

By day 5 — our first day home from hospital —

he screamed for 12 hours straight.

What I didn’t know then was:

👉 this would continue every single day for the next 4 months

The same warning signs appeared

• constant crying

• difficulty feeding

• unsettled, distressed behaviour

And again:

👉 his weight dropped quickly

He hadn’t regained his birth weight by 4 weeks.

The system response… again

This time, we were told:

👉 he would need to be admitted for a feeding tube

And when I explained:

• what we had been through with our daughter

• that this looked very similar

It was dismissed.

The moment I questioned the plan

I remember asking:

👉 “How is a feeding tube going to fix this?”

👉 “If we don’t work out WHY he’s not feeding and why he’s screaming… won’t we end up in the exact same position when the tube comes out?”

That was the first time someone paused.

For the first time, the plan was questioned.

Asking for a second opinion — again

And again, I knew what I needed to do.

👉 I asked for a second opinion

In walked the head of paediatrics.

A woman with so much experience with small babies —

she recognised it immediately.

And again… everything changed

Within weeks:

• my screaming

• unsettled

• failing to thrive baby

👉 became a happy, chubby little boy

Once again:

👉 our lives changed instantly when we got the right help

What I’ve learned (and what I want you to know)

Across both of my children, the biggest turning point wasn’t:

• a medication

• a test

• a hospital admission

👉 It was being heard by the right person

If you’re in this situation

This is what I would tell any parent now:

👉 If something doesn’t feel right — don’t ignore it

You can:

• go back to your GP again

• ask directly for a referral to a paediatrician

• seek a second opinion

• track feeds and weight changes

• clearly say: “I don’t feel this is normal”

Why I’m sharing this

This is not medical advice.

Every baby is different.

But this is what navigating the system looked like for us.

And if there’s one thing I want you to take away, it’s this:

👉 You are allowed to question

👉 You are allowed to push for answers

👉 You are allowed to seek another opinion

If you’re feeling stuck

If you're currently in that space of:

• not being heard

• being told to “wait it out”

• not knowing what to do next

I’ve created a step-by-step Unsettled Baby Roadmap to help you:

• understand who to see

• know what to ask

• move forward within the Australian system

👉 Because sometimes the hardest part isn’t your baby.

It’s knowing how to get the right help.

Related Articles you might also find helpful:

Baby reflux, crying and poor weight gain: Who to see and When (Australia Guide)

How to get a paediatrician referral Australia

Public vs Private Paediatric Care in Australia: What parents need to know

How to get a paediatrician appointment faster in Australia (Wait times + Urgent cases)